Yeeeeeeey!! Uite, bă, de ce e amuzant să-ţi faci curat prin fişiere. Am găsit un interviu vechi pe care îl făcusem cu Karen Martin, o autoare americană, la lansarea în limba română a volumului ei „Cum să-ţi găseşti o stăpână” – o iniţiere în BDSM. În revistă, a apărut cam jumătate din el (din lipsă de spaţiu). Eu zic că nici varianta integrală nu e chiar de lepădat.
LL: How old were you when you discovered your kinky instincts? How did you realize you were being kinky?
KAREN: At about five years old, I discovered that if I closed my eyes and thought about spanking or being spanked, I could rub myself and feel really good. The problem was that if I ever did get a real spanking, which I’d only seen on television and in picture books, it was supposed to be from Papa, and even a young child knows that getting sexually excited about your father is wrong. Consequently, to hide being a very evil child, I was a very good girl and at the top of my class. I never was in trouble, but I continued to be the “bad girl” in the privacy of my bedroom. I was the good daughter, the good wife, the good mother, and then one day I saw an advertisement in Utne Reader for Stand Corrected, a spanko magazine, and realized I was not alone. By the time I was a good grandmother, I knew what I wanted, and the Internet helped me to find a spanko group near my home. I was forty-eight before I’d ever been spanked, and a year older before I spanked my first gentleman.
LL: Publishing a book about domination is like coming out of the closet. What did your mom say?
KAREN: Although Mom had passed away by the time I came out, I know she would have been supportive. My father had remarried at seventy-five, so coming out to them was more of a risk. I never doubted I’d have unconditional love, but I was concerned about their level of acceptance. Papa and Mama have a copy of my book, and because they like Robert, they are handling my dominance in our relationship. As with any vanilla father who has a wonderful 50-50 relationship, he would prefer I have the same. He wants me to be safe, happy and productive, though, and I am.
To check my assumptions, I called Papa, now eighty-nine, who said it was fairly obvious where the dominance was between Robert and me. I had chosen my subculture, not his, but it didn’t shake him up. In addition, there was nothing in the book that could not be transferred to any other relationship. He was pleased Romania would honor me by translating the book. I’m happy with his level of acceptance, because I’m kinky, and every day I choose a kinky lifestyle.
LL: Kinkiness is more like a necessity, or more like entertainment?
KAREN: Both. It depends upon who is in front of me. I am just as likely to brat a spanko and struggle to swat him before he swats me as I am to allow a fetishist to sit on the floor and let him worship my feet. Those experiences are for entertainment, which is a wonderful benefit of being polyamorous. No one has to be alone in this kinky world.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, it is necessary that I have my slave, Robert Rubel, in my life. He is a dominant in his own right, but submissive to me, and that is how we like it. Because we have chosen one another, and we are willing to work on our relationship every day of our lives, we have been able to write books, to act as mentors for kinky folks, to live abroad, and to survive a year’s separation when I had to return home to take care of my son. I do not play with Robert. I do not collar him. I do not write contracts for him. I simply own him, and together we create the world in which we wish to live.
LL: Which is your favorite kinky game?
KAREN: I have two. The first is public, and the second is private. I adore going to the All State Spanko Party. Over a hundred of us gather in Dallas or San Antonio for a weekend of spanking fun. Everyone dresses to the theme, whether it’s College Rush or Roaring Twenties or Pirate Island. We make certain everyone who wants to play has the opportunity, and we are there to bond with one another in a sacred space just for us. We have group spanking events with lots of silly role play and games. I realize it doesn’t sound like an event for a Mistress, but we are real people, and we get to be silly when we desire. We are also delightfully sadistic and inventive. The highlight of the weekend is the Naughty Boys Party, and I usually attend in fifties garb, whether it is as the school nurse, the scout leader or a very disappointed auntie in furs.
The second kinky game is usually private. I adore taking a vibrant, dynamic, self assured male and turning him into a wonderfully submissive girlfriend or a demure sissy maid. Once I created a weekend retreat where six of us went to a consignment shop to find that perfect evening outfit. Then I had a staff of make up artists help with hair and cosmetics. I offered voice and movement lessons. Those, who wished to, served at dinner, and we topped it off with a night of barhopping.
During these activities, slave Robert is free to pursue his own kinky interests elsewhere, and he has several, none of which interests me.
LL: Your book, „How to Capture a Mistress” is a practical guide, rather than a work of fiction. Do you ever intend to continue your career as a writer with any fictional stories or by approaching any other subjects?
KAREN: I studied science fiction and romance writing before tackling the self help book. When I was still the good mother in a vanilla relationship, I wrote a romance novel deemed too edgy by the well known publishing houses. The heroine was too submissive, and the hero was too dominant. Comedy was out and high powered executive women were in vogue. Romance is great fun to write, and I’d try it again with a Mistress as the heroine.
I am currently writing a screenplay, a comedy-drama about a young man who needs a heart transplant and takes a temp job as a counselor of a group home for people who are handicapped. My son needs a heart transplant, so I want to promote organ donation. Someday I’ll write the kinky nursing home screenplay I’ve been playing with.
A couple of times a week, we toss around ideas about kinky books we’d like to write. It’s how the process gets started, and I encourage anyone who wants to write to learn how and take it in small, achievable steps.
LL: Did you, as a writer, attend public readings? How did the average American react?
KAREN: I live in Texas. This is the center of the conservative Bible Belt in which I doubt I would make many sales, but I might just make the headlines. I have done readings and seminars at kinky events, but never in the vanilla setting, because it is too difficult to control the variable of undisciplined children wandering in and snatching misinformation. Ours is not a child’s world on any level. How to Capture a Mistress was written to mentor a very special group of treasured gentlemen and for the dominant ladies who will guide them on their journeys toward surrender. Currently, I am working with our local ClubFem group to create a weekend retreat for gentlemen wishing to learn the tools they will need to serve.
LL: Do you ever, under any circumstances, imagine yourself back in a vanilla relationship?
KAREN: Oh, I’m polyamorous, so if the guy can make it through all of my other filters (employment, code of honor, lifelong learning, etc), and we have a special bond, I would consider it. The problem, of course, is that I cannot meet his restricted conception of what I should be. It would take a very special vanilla man to accept slave Robert. And, he isn’t going anywhere.
LL: How do you see yourself at the age of 80?
KAREN: Robert and I do this type of exercise frequently, and I expect anyone who spends time with me to be able to discuss aging. What we do today influences what age 80 will look like. I stay in shape, I eat well, I study Spanish and I write. At 80, I’ll be doing the same thing and will have many successes to show for it. It is imperative that I discipline myself first, before I can consider leading others. Am I happy about it? Not particularly. I am just now learning to cook healthy meals, I fuss when I sweat, and I cannot believe that a woman as intelligent as I am can’t master Spanish verb conjugation.
At age 80, I will be traveling abroad with a gourmet chef, a personal trainer who can bully me (at my discretion) into staying in shape, and a tutor who can speak both Spanish and Chinese. Robert will be at my side and some hot little number with a Matron Fetish will be at my feet. Age 80 is going to rock.
LL: Your longtime relationship with Robert J. Rubel is also widely-circulated. Would the two of you write a common book about the history of a successful slavery?
KAREN: Every morning, Robert serves me breakfast precisely the way I like it, and we construct our day. Today’s topic of discussion was the above question, “Shall we write a book about the history of our successful slavery?”
He replied, “Mistress, in all due respect, who would read it?”
My point exactly. We write books that help others to achieve their dreams.
We are currently collaborating on a workbook to accompany his book: Squirms, Screams, and Squirts: Handbook for going from great sex to extraordinary sex. Playboy Online picked it as their number one book recommendation for Valentines Day 2008, and it is available on Amazon.com, along with his Master/slave series. Obviously, the workbook shall be great fun to write.
Instead of the history of a successful slavery, we would love to write an advice column for a few years before compiling another self help book on kinky relationships.